June 08, 2010

Why I Don't Write for the Onion

Readers of this or my other blogs have occasionally suggested I write for the Onion, either as full-time staff or as a freelancer. Great idea, but they won't have me. No, no, no. It isn't that they have rejected or shunned me. It is a policy of theirs simply to keep all writing internal, and their current staff is full-up.

It might be, naturally, that even if they did accept outsiders, my humorous and satirical writing would not meet their standards. Stories like Kellogg Cereal Inflates Health Claims and Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters do set the bar high.

You could, of course, drop them a note. Lots of contact information is below. Do not spam them (Really, I mean that. It just isn't nice, and I fully support them.). Just share some love.  If you happen to regularly subscribe or read them online, let them know.
How can I become a writer for The Onion?
All editorial content in The Onion and The A.V. Club is written by staff and there are currently no writing positions available. Any freelance material sent to The Onion will not be read and will not be returned. Should The Onion seek new talent in the future, a call for submissions will appear in our newspapers and on our website.
(they said it officially on the Onion website.)
New York/Editorial
212-627-1972 | Fax 212-627-1711

Chicago/Corporate Headquarters

212 W. Superior St., #200
Chicago, IL 60654
312-751-0503 | Fax 312-751-4137


3001 S. Lamar Blvd., Suite A - 102
Austin, TX 78704
512-383-0370 | Fax 512-383-1772


1490 Lafayette Street, Suite 205
Denver, CO 80218
303-399-8922 | Fax 303-399-8924


1661 N. Water Street #501
Milwaukee, WI 53202
414-272-1372 | Fax 414-272-3555


602 W Main Street
Madison, WI 53703
608-256-1372 | Fax 608-256-2535

Twin Cities

212 3rd Avenue North, #445
Minneapolis, MN 55401
612-370-1372 | Fax 612-333-0444

Washington DC


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