March 27, 2007

For Reading Books and Drinking Wine in Parks: Coleman All Outdoors 3-In-1 Blanket Roadtrip reviewed

As winter sleeks away with spring rains, thoughts of reading in parks and beaches burble forth. There are tools required to make the action right. Start with the Coleman blanket.

With wine or ice tea, armed with Twain, Cervantes, Wharton or Bronte, packing pens and notebooks, there you have most of what you need. Needed more, and especially, though, is a blanket. Bring at least the book and the blanket, and you are geared and ready for reading.

Bring, too, your kindest friend or sweetest lover, and find room enough for two for leisured reading and wine sipping.

Find a tree big enough for shade, small enough to let light flicker through, and unfurl the blanket. Watch where the sun is going, and position your blanket accordingly. Let the shade follow you. A bright glare on Huck Finn will not do him, nor you, any good.

The blanket is also a poncho and stadium seat cushion, but, properly folded or wrapped, all blankets show the same versatility.

What matters is that under a budding tree in March through September, on sunny mornings and overcast afternoons, this blanket connects you with a friend, and your book.

March 19, 2007

Champ of Office and Playground Alike - Office Depot(R) Vinyl-Coated Paper Clips, No. 1 Regular, Black And White, Box Of 500 reviewed

paperclips Be charmed by the humble paper clip's simplicity, for its ingenuity extends far past the doors of Corporate Megaco International. While abiding by the laws of personal management, the ever-useful paper clip ranks high. All that matters is size, quantity and cost. These are an amazingly inexpensive value for your office. The No. 1 Regulars are a fair size for most desk use.

For me, I see something different, I see that day I was wrested of my folded airplane laurels. Ignorance forsook my title when I let Roslyn, the effervescent Rosie of my heart's garden, attain my long-standing position as Plane Champ of the Third Grade.

The story is short. The contest counted distance only, though style mattered during playground bragging. I always tossed farthest, using the right-wristed side hand whip technique. Ever since anyone could remember, I had won. My reign went back at least two years.

But then Rosie appeared. New to the neighborhood and new to the sandlot, no one knew what beauty stood buttressed against the slide. Ready she was to fling her soon airlofted plane. The rest of us made of planes, but she crafted hers of careful cuts, with origami-quality folds. Shining at the nose of this art was one paper clip, jutting out less that a centimeter. Still, distance counted, and I would take no prisoners.

Rosie threw first. The angle she leaned as she aimed skyward danced with grace in the school yard light. No whoosh or swoosh, only flight on one plane, silent and worthy of the air it breathed. Rosie's follow-through called up a vision of Rollie Fingers pitching for the Padres, but the plane's speed was more like a Nolan Ryan flung fastball.

It landed near the softball field, behind right field, twice or more the distance I ever threw. I tried not to cry as I pushed my plane meekly into a twisted, crashing smash into the grass.

Rosie's smile never left me, but she did. She left, off to another school, having found no competition at mine. With my heart and plane tossing record both broken, I slumped sadly until the next recess.

Whether you need to coordinate papers at work, or require help flying a paper airplane, these No. 1 Regular paper clips are the one to buy.

March 15, 2007

Restores Fresh Scent to Homes Expecting Romance - Plink Garbage Disposal Cleaner and Deodorizer reviewed

Plink Garbage Disposal Cleaner and Deodorizer

Gone for a weekend, I found my decision to send chicken skin down the garbage disposal poor. The hallway to my apartment filled with the egregious odor as quickly as I opened the door. Inside, the matter multiplied.

My date was coming over in an hour and the waft of wretchedness wore upon my home.

Fresh, confined, deteriorating: Unlike the city dump, no birds came to eat the refuse and no wind blew a dissipated scent. Sea gulls were unavailable. The wind, with the assistance of two fans and windows opened at the east and west sides, made good work of the air. Hot water in the drain, followed by the dropping in of Plink cleaners, began the new journey to a date-worthy home.

Each is the size of a marble... one is usually enough. No chances taken here. I used three.

Plink, with its cleansing action, erased and covered the awful aroma. What became of the date, I cannot say, but know that I am a pleased Plink customer.

The next time your sink reeks of chicken gone bad, and company's on its way, try Plink.

Brockeim's Reviews on amazon.com

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Brockeimian Bounty: Oddities You Can Buy Online

March 12, 2007

Browns Bagels and Reflects Love - Black & Decker T4029 Classic Chrome 4-Slice Toaster reviewed

Shining with a spectacular silver chrome sheen, I found in my neighbor's Black & Decker 4-slice toaster a smile and a bagel.

The morning rang with geese flying over my apartment. Coffee brought, with sugar and cream, a welcome voice to my night-long silence, but only this. My toaster, thin and unuseful for anything but the most meager bread, could not meet my need for substance, for the crunch of a bagel.

A knock on the door finished the waking begun by the hazelnut coffee in my mug. I answered. It was Nancy, from across the hall. She spoke with sadness. No coffee. She smelled mine. I lamented. No bagels. She had bagels. And she had a toaster for bagels, the Black & Decker 4-slice.

Simpler than stone soup, we sat at her table all morning, considering the mellow crust and warm raisins in her bagels, and the question of hazelnut or vanilla beans as the choice flavor. While she went for more butter, I saw her newly, reflected in the toaster. More gentle, more delicate than at any other moment, Nancy's beauty was now not unnoticed. She saw that I saw that she was watching and smiled.

More mornings are now filled with the quiet freshness of cinnamon coming from bagels browning, and of hazelnut coffee wisping from my carafe, with two lovers smiling in the face of a shining toaster. When geese flock past my home in formation, I wake quickly, ready for breakfast.

No toaster can promise love. The Black & Decker 4-slice only reflects it, but this should be enough.

Black & Decker T4029 Classic Chrome 4-Slice Toaster, Chrome and Black

Toasters on amazon.com

Brockeim's Reviews on amazon.com

March 06, 2007

Addicted to Books (Robert Palmer's "Addicted to Love" Parodied): Singalong with Brockeim

Addicted to Books
(severe apologies to Robert Palmer)
Get this as a poster: "Addicted to Books" parody of "Addicted to Love" $14.34

You're logging on to Amazon
Your mind is not your own
You want to read, your body shakes
Another word is what it takes

You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no doubt, you're in deep
Your eyes are wide, you can't breathe
Another word is all you need

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah

It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough, you know you're

Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to books

You see the sales, you know the creed:
Postal guy brings them at doublespeed.
The binding's good, stitched just right
Another word and you're alive, but pay no mind

You can't be saved
Dozens more books are what you crave
If there's some you've not read
You don't mind if I do

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah

It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough, you know you're

Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to books

Might as well face it, you're addicted to books
Might as well face it, you're addicted to books
Might as well face it, you're addicted to books
Might as well face it, you're addicted to books
Might as well face it, you're addicted to books

You're logging on to Amazon
Your will is not your own
Your tea seeps -- coffee grinds
Another page and you'll be fine

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah

It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough, you know you're

Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to books

Might as well face it, you're addicted to books
Might as well face it, you're addicted to books
Might as well face it, you're addicted to books
Might as well face it, you're addicted to books
Might as well face it, you're addicted to books

-----

We live in a world all broken, stumbling and fumbling through every moment's breath.

Around us are images calling to us like sirens. There's wine, women and song. Sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. What's out there is out there, but somehow, if you are reading this, you must be different. Wine offers you no buzz worth sipping for, and the rest of it is just noise, visual and audible, emotional and artistic... but noise just the same. You have a different solution, and it is made of paper. The books in libraries and bookshops sneak toward you late at night and ease their way onto your nightstand. The 60 Watt bulb light barely touches your book, but it lets you read... precious reading.

Think of those times up late, crouched in the living room, eyes sprawling heinously devouring every word. Only one way to find out whodunnit, if she'll kiss him, if he'll save little Billy, if Lassie will come home, and if the Russians and the USA were in cahoots in the Cuban Missile Crisis because of Marilyn Monroe and Kennedy. You don't know how the "Left Behind" series will end, but you're onto it, as well as the others topping the charts. You've got to read.

I hope you enjoy my parody.

--Brockeim

Placate Your Addiction

March 05, 2007

Sophisticated Practicality: Burberry Cashmere Classic Plaid Scarf Reviewed

Burberry Cashmere Classic Plaid Scarf
Never have I worn a more comforting scarf. In the cool of an early November evening, just after dusk, when the breeze blows inward, flirtatiously, willing, and yet tentatively, the secure warmth of a classic plaid scarf is like a hearth-bound fire, all girded in goodness, all gentle and sure.

The plaid pattern, of course, brings a sophisticated though pleasantly masculine presence to whatever you might wear. It has an afternoon tea-like class to it, but a brisk morning practicality. Whether tossed on as an accessory on your way to see "Don Giovanni," or part of a snow-shoveling ensemble, you'll find these scarves meeting the intended need without compromise.

search cashmere scarves

buy the DVD: Mozart - Don Giovanni / Maazel, Raimondi, Te Kanawa, Paris Opera